Men and Women -- the Great Divide

Has anyone else noticed this?  I see it regularly in the facebook budgeting group in; as well as in society in general.  Men and women standing off against each other on seemingly small issues.  These are men and women who are on the same team -- spouses, partners in life.

"I want to cut cable, but my husband won't give it up.  He HAS to have his sports."
"I wrote out a perfect budget, but my wife won't stick to it.  She keeps buying coffees."

I guess this is really standing out to me because I've been submerged in a different culture while reading "Farmer Boy", the story of one year of Almanzo Wilder's boyhood.

There was less individualism and more a sense of we're a team.  We're all in this together.  It took the whole family working together to convert the autumn bounty into provisions for winter.

I think part of the reason Pa and Ma had such a strong bond and were together in their decision-making has part to do with them both working at home.  They ate every meal together. and so had lots of small talks rather than one big one which required a decision to be made on the spot.

And also because there were fewer distractions and fewer inputs from society in general.  Life was less harried because there was less interference.  Decisions were easier to make because there were fewer options to choose from.

You can find a strength in that kind of a partnership in your own home.  Quit standing off against your partner and sit on the same side of the table with him/her. Stop arguing to win, to be right.

Share your feelings and have respect for your partner's.  Hear what he/she is saying without feeling threatened. Your partner isn't out to hurt you. Be the partner you want your partner to be for you. Be that soft place for him/her to land.

Read "Farmer Boy" by Laura Ingalls Wilder.  It's a whole different take on life during the 1880s.


  1. My relationship with my husband (18 years next Monday) entered a whole new and lovely dimension when we finally realized that it was US against the world, not us in the world against each other. Two horses can pull a cart easily, as long as they're both going the same direction.

    1. And here I was avoiding the ox/horse team analogies. :)

      Congratulations on 18 years!


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