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No More Chores or Chore/Reward Charts

They're everywhere!!
Chore charts, responsibility charts, by age, starting at age 3! And most of them include intimidating notes - If your child isn't doing THESE chores by THIS AGE, then she is DOOMED to a life of irresponsibility.  Or worse, you are DOOMED to a life of cleaning up his messes.

Chores.. ugh... everyone hates them. They're horrible, boring, no fun. But they have to be done, even if you hate them. Here is a reward (for your child, not you) to make them more palatable. Sorry adults, you'll just have to suck it up and do them. You're an adult now.

I have had my own struggles with getting chores done - first in my parents' homes and then in my own. Those feelings of "why me?" and "I don't wanna." were so hard to shake. But does it have to be that way? Could it be different for me and for my daughter? I say yes.

Chores are chores because they don't go away and seem to serve no higher purpose. They are menial and I have better things to do with my time than wash dishes, dust, make beds, vacuum, etc. Right? So, identify the higher purpose and make that your  motivation.

I don't get great joy from washing dishes, but I do enjoy having clean counters when I have a meal to prepare. Washing dishes is no longer a chore, but a means to an end. An end that is important to me.

I don't enjoy dusting and vacuuming, but I do enjoy entertaining friends in my home. And I want them to feel comfortable, not creeped out by the filth. Dusting and vacuuming is a means to that end, especially since some of my friends have children who are still carpet creepers. And even my own yoga practice is much more pleasant when I am face down on a clean carpet.

And so on. This isn't just a play on words, but a change of mindset. I'm no longer just checking chores off my daily list but I am working toward an over-arching vision of the home I want to live in, that I am comfortable inviting my friends  over for a visit in.

For my daughter, I hav e found that if I assign chores, then I am constantly checking up on whether she has them done, which puts me in an adversarial role with her. I don't want that. And she's doing them resentfully rather than in a positive or even neutral state of mind. I don't want that either. But if I take the lead, and include her in what I am doing, she learns how to get the task done. It is done in a timely manner vs 3 hours later and it still isn't done. And she learns to do it because it needs to be done rather than just getting me to stop asking. I want her to learn to do a job so it is well done and to take pride i ntha twork, even if it is just sweeping the tile floor. Any job worth doing is worth doing well. And that is the reword - not gold stars or money.

As a Mom, I get to help shape my daughter's attitudes and emotional connections to chores and work, so why not make it as pleasant as I can ?

So no chore or reward charts. No nagging. We work together and get the work done and then get on with our day.

Now, is this to say I have discovered the magic fairy dust of getting my daughter to happily get her work done? hahahahaha   No.
I am just taking small steps toward a happier home where I am not constantly cast as the nagging bad guy, and we all work together to do what needs to be done.

Some days are better than others, but that's just life. Right?

Thanks for reading.
Please share with your friends.

Ann Denee
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